The Tintern Village Website

Summer 2001


Dear Friends
Those of you who were at the Annual General Meeting recently will have heard me speak of the future of the living Church in our parish and in our land.
I would like to repeat some of that thinking for you all, and also add one or two other points. It seems obvious to me that we are all at the end of an era, and that change is overtaking us more swiftly than ever before. I don't like those two facts, and would prefer to put the clock back, but I can't! These swift changes make a lot of difference for the Church in any place. In the past, whatever the reality might be, "The Church" has often been perceived as a structure, or organization, with a loved building at the disposal of the community.
Such a group, and these organizations, and the use of such a building by the public, has become more and more on the margins as time passes. And the thousands of old buildings, mostly unsuitable for modern use - (you know what it can be like; cold in winter, no toilets, uncomfortable seating, no facilities for movement or meals) - are a great burden to maintain. The time is surely coming when many cannot be used any longer. People like me will say, "I'm no longer going to give my money to maintain ancient buildings". No doubt some will be kept as museum-pieces, perhaps paid for by CADW or other secular agencies.

But this leaves us free, as the "live" Church of this moment to use our time, money and energy in "being" the Church in the sense that we always should - as we have a pattern given by the Holy Spirit, as shown in Acts Ch2. Those original "Jesus people" (v42) devoted themselves first to knowing about their faith, called teaching, then, sharing one-another's lives, called fellowship, and, sharing food and hospitality and communion together, and finally praying together. How can we possibly do that if we only meet for one hour once a week and have to fill our time with a set liturgy? So we must find another way. We will be a leaner, fitter Church, and more focussed on what we should look like.
The purpose is obvious - it is to share Jesus with a community that does not know of Him. How can we? By becoming a servant people. It is only as we grow in love and servanthood towards all, that they will realise that we are here not for ourselves, but for them.

May God, Father, Son and the Holy Spirit guide us all as we seek to be that Servant Church.


1921 - 2001

Reg was born and brought up in Southwark and on leaving school became an apprentice with the firm of Lever Brothers for whom he worked all his working life, apart from the period he spent serving King and Country in World War II.
In his youth Reg was a Boy Scout and told many tales of excursions into the Kent countryside, camping and of the friends he made as a member of that Movement.
As a regular churchman his early grounding in Christian teaching remained with him throughout his life.

In 1941 Reg enlisted into the Royal Air Force and was selected for pilot training. He was sent to the USA to be trained as a bomber pilot and when he had gained his 'wings' returned to the UK and was posted to 44 (Rhodesian) Squadron. Reg completed 30 operations as part of the bombing offensive of 1943 with this squadron. Next he was given 'a rest' and spent several months flying aircraft towing gliders in preparation for air drops to accompany the Rhine crossing. He then returned to flying bombers, his first love, and joined 50 Squadron.
It was on the night of 18 August 1943 that he took part in a 597 bomber raid on Peenemunde, a V weapon research establishment in Germany. It was on this raid that Reg was awarded the Distinguished Flying Cross for gallantry in pressing home with determination his aircraft in spite of heavy opposition over the target area. This raid indirectly reduced considerably the casualties inflicted by V rockets on the UK later in the war.
Operating from airfields in Lincolnshire and Nottinghamshire, Reg took part in many raids on targets in Germany and Italy. As the war came to a close he was engaged in flying to repatriate soldiers from Italy.

In 1944 Reg met his future wife, Molly, a member of the WRAF. They were married in 1945 and Reg was demobbed in 1946. Reg was one of two pilots selected to fly a Lancaster bomber over London and Buckingham Palace as part of the VE Day celebrations but, to his great regret, his release papers arrived detailing his release day as the day before the flypast, so the other chap got the job!

Returning to civilian life once again, Reg rejoined Lever Brothers, having resisted the temptation to emigrate to a life in Rhodesia. His future was to be concerned with the transport, storing and distribution of foodstuffs and all manner of domestic products for the large and well-known Company to which he had given his loyalty.
Having worked in such places as Birmingham, Cardiff (twice) and Swansea with visits to Southampton and other places, it is not surprising the Reg was a great Welsh supporter! Reg and Molly settled in Tintern in 1980 when Reg retired.

Reg was a keen golfer, sailor and railway modeller. He used to play twice a week at the Forest of Dean Golf Club in Coleford and in the attic of his home was a railway layout only the privileged were allowed to see. He sailed when he could and prided himself on his navigational skills learnt in the RAF.

He was, for several years, Church warden at St. Michael's and a founder member of the 'chain gang' which cuts grass in the churchyards. He also performed other maintenance tasks around the church.

Kind, modest, generous and unassuming are just four of the adjectives which describe Reg. It was only after combined nagging from his wife and friends that Reg was persuaded to wear his medals on Remembrance Sunday; having agreed to do so, he hid them beneath his overcoat! It was difficult to do him a favour without getting something in return.

Reg was essentially a family man. He loved his family and was proud of them all. They, in turn, reciprocated this love and were proud of him.
At his funeral the church was filled by family, friends and a large number of 'golfing friends'. His 'bomb-aimer' of nearly 60 years ago was there too.

He was a real 'chum', a word he often used.



Please note that the closing date for the Autumn 2001 issue is SUNDAY 19th August 2001.
Articles and requests for advertisements should be sent to the Editor, David Ford, Monkstone, Chapel Lane, Tintern, tel : 01291-689233
Advertisements in this magazine are charged at :
5 per quarter page per four issues
10 per half page per four issues
20 per whole page per four issues
The current print run is 250 copies

We are looking for cover illustrations for future issues. They need to be black and white on A4 or A5 portrait format paper. The Title etc will be added at the production stage. If you could draw a suitable cover illustration, perhaps with a Christmas theme for our winter edition, please contact the Editor, David Ford on 689233 or the Publisher, John Bathgate on 689328.

For a once only payment of 5 you can have an advert placed on the Tintern Village Web Site at . Adverts on the web can easily use colour and photographs and can be updated. Please contact the Web Site Editor, John Bathgate on 689328.


Thursday 19th - 22nd July inclusive
Refreshments and light lunches 10am - 4pm

Jane Avery (01594) 530407

50/50 CLUB

The first draw of the 2001 series of the 50/50 Club was held in March. A total of 133 shares were sold and five monthly prizes, ranging from 18 - 7 are being awarded. Recent results are:-

March April May

1st V.A. Willis (120) C Brown (37) C.A. Heron (72)
2nd R. Townsend (43) J Holloway(59) J Burt (46)
3rd Meka Weaver (53) Coleman (89) T Roberts (33)
4th J&S Porter-Davison(121)J Jackson(57) J&S Porter-Davison 122)
5th G. Weston (93) G Reynolds (55)L Jennings (111)


As mentioned in the last edition of Parish News, the March meeting found us welcoming Mr Collett from Caldicot and listening to his words of wisdom about growing vegetables for both the dining table and the show bench. We trawled through our memory banks and found it was nearly fifteen years since his last visit but he was delighted to see some familiar faces among his audience and we have promised not to wait so long before his next invitation.
In April, Mr Roy Haviland, who is usually our Show judge put on a different hat and gave us some tips about preparing for the Annual Show. We were very disappointed by the lack of visitors to the Village Hall last August so we have altered the date to avoid a clash with Chepstow Show. Our Show will now be held on Saturday the 18th of August, so please put this date in your diary for Summer 2001.

This month (May) was the first of our garden visits and we wandered further afield this time - to the home of Mr and Mrs John Wood who live near Longhope and tend a wonderful three acre garden containing an arboretum, water and herbaceous plants, rockeries - in fact something to interest everyone.
In June we hope for another fine evening to visit a garden near Westbury on Severn. If you are interested in joining us, please ring 689421 - and don't forget to mark 18th August on your calendar.



The "Get Cooking" Project

"I was hungry so I wanted to learn to cook."
That was the response of an 18 year old lad to the pre-course question - "Why have you come on this course?"
This response, above all else, shows why a project of the Gwent Federation of Women's Institutes "Get Cooking" was needed to help the disadvantaged in our community.

After running a pilot course we eventually gained funds from the Lottery to continue the project for the next two years.
A number of W.I. members volunteered to become tutors and after courses on hygiene, nutrition and presentational skills, the show was on the road.
The main aim was to introduce a healthy balanced diet on a limited budget of 2 per person per two course meal. Courses are intended to show the basics. At one session Mum brought her toddler with her, he was served first and before the tutors could get round to the others he was back for seconds! Mum expressed surprise since he had demolished two helpings of a roast dinner. Her comment was "at home he only eats chips - I had better try a roast."

Gwent W.I. has now been to 35 venues, delivered 37 courses to 206 individuals and have prepared some 2000 meals overall.
There is a follow up programme when we can remain in touch with our pupils. A number of groups, especially those with teenage mums, still meet. Some have become friends and we know of one lad who has now joined a full-time catering college.

The project is drawing to a close but we expect Sure Start and other similar programmes to continue to have an involvement with "Get Cooking".
Four members of the Tintern W.I. took part in "Get Cooking".

The WI meetings are in the Village Hall on the third Monday of each month at 2.00 p.m., although in April we went to the Millbrook Nursery to buy our plants for the summer. We had a lovely afternoon browsing for bargains and tea and cakes in the cafe.

May is the Annual Meeting commencing with lunch then Elections and a discussion on the Resolutions. This years are:-

i) 'This meeting urges H.M. Government to ensure that all staff caring for the elderly must undergo specific training for a recognised qualification'.
ii) 'We urge H.M. Government to ensure that all school-age children have access to a dedicated school nursing service, that is local, responsive and informed by evidence of best practice.'

The two resolutions were chosen from a total of twelve wide-ranging ones.



TICKETS 7.50 each. Doors open 7.30 for 8.00 p.m.
Entry by tickets bought in advance please so we know how many to cater for. Buy soon or be disappointed!

Jean Davey 689212


We still meet on alternate Tuesdays. We are missing Margaret Lock, Marjorie Thomas and Margaret Shewell. Get well soon please.

We had a very successful Easter Bingo. Thanks to all who came and especially to everybody who helped. A great evening.



20th June Sidmouth 9.30 Llandogo, pick-up in Tintern
4th July Bowood House 9.30 Llandogo, pick-up in Tintern
25th July Weymouth 9.30 Llandogo, pick-up in Tintern
22nd August Victorian Fayre, Llandrindod Wells 10.00 Llandogo

Contact: Mrs Knight 01594 530906


It is with pleasure that we can report that the following organisations within the village have received donations from monies made available to local residents for services rendered during the 2000 Son-et-Lumiere held at Tintern Abbey.
It should be made clear that these persons are local residents of the village and that it was their choice to donate the money to those organisations within the village which they consider could best benefit from it.
A total of 18 projects were discussed and assessed at a meeting prior to the final choices being made and although many persons have differing opinions, the members have taken into account the facts available to them of each case and their final decision is as indicated below.

The Tuesday Club
Church Boys and Girls Brigade
Football Club
Village First Aid Course

note : A total of ten people passed their First Aid course and are now spread within the community awaiting accidents so that they might demonstrate their skills - seriously, congratulations to all of them on obtaining their certificates.

A Community Account run by the said persons has also been founded and will be used for selected purposes within the village.


Grantley's Spring Diary

There was good news when it was announced that a major restoration of the south aisle and the nave's twelve arched windows would begin. This is a major and complex operation aimed at conserving the carved details and moulding profiles that were the signatures of the original masons. Wherever possible they will be re-using the original Devonian sandstone.
We are proud to live in the shadow of one of Wales' major tourist attraction.

I like to think I'm a bit of a writer; but was made green with envy recently by this beautiful piece on Tintern. It was sent to me by Mrs Cullen of Newport and was written by her 12 year old son James for a school project entitled "My Favourite Place". I do hope this young man keeps on writing as he will assuredly bring a lot of people a great deal of pleasure. Here is his piece :


The historic air swirls around you and the magic pumps your heart. It is almost as if Tintern is on its own, surrounded by a force field with only fantasy inside. The hills and trees are merely the skin of Tintern, the Abbey its heart.
The Abbey may be falling down, crumbling like a biscuit, but when I see it, it makes me whole.
Sometimes I can almost imagine and see the Abbey complete, with sparkling gold relics inside, and multi-coloured windows shining bright, white rays into my eyes.
Sometimes I can see the monks walking steadily and slowly outside, heads down, deeply in prayer.
The smell of Tintern cannot be smelt by your nose, only with your heart and mind. When you smell it, it fills you with dreams and ideas that you will always remember.
The walks are awe-inspiring; the trees and foliage cover the sky, like an eagle's wing over its babies, but the sight opens up new thoughts from the back of your mind; even the mud and stones ripple through your feet, like a feather tickling away.
If you walk to Devil's Pulpit, when you get there you are truly taken away. The view of the Abbey and Tintern all below you is truly unique.
The byrock juts out like the branch of a tree. You feel as though if you touch it, it will fall, and take you plummeting below, like a meteorite crashing and cascading down towards a planet. The calls of brightly coloured birds and the squeaks of little furry fun animals mix together, making beautiful, natural music, filling your ears with delight and happiness.
The Abbey Mill is a forest of craft shops. They are full of all sorts of crafts, from brass to wood to glass. The shops have very interesting and intricate crafts in them which really shock you, how well people can make things. The crafts always seem to come alive, yet another magical part of Tintern.
After this a tea cake from the Abbey Mill cafe is just what you need. When you bite into it, the beautiful, baked, buttery flavours swirl and mix around your mouth like the flavours of every part of Tintern, creating one final magic inside you. For one instant all of Tintern is yours to control and imagine, seeing all the hidden histories and magical mysteries, just before you leave the magical, inspiring, enigmatic Tintern.

James Cullen (age 12)

With concern growing about the lack of tourists because of the foot and mouth crisis, I was able to get a bit of help from Radio Wales recently.
As a regular contributor to Roy Noble's morning programme, I discussed the problem with him at some depth and I was able to say to people that limited access doesn't mean that other things have changed. The scenery is still fantastic, the Abbey is still open and a fascinating visit, and the pubs and hotels provide excellent hospitality and value for money.
This followed Alan Butt's broadcast the week before on Phil Steele's Big Easy programme on a Sunday morning, so between us we hope we've helped by giving the area a bit of support on Radio Wales.
We both agreed that this is probably as far as we will be able to go, as neither of us feels we have the face for television.

Following on from the previous piece worried business people from the village recently met a representative of the Welsh tourist board to discuss the problem. All too aware that concern is nation-wide, it was pointed out that few areas are as dependent on walkers and ramblers.
The tourist board has launched a nation-wide campaign to this effect but it was felt that there is an urgent need for more publicity about the specific attractions of the Lower Wye Valley.
The group expects to convene again to examine suggestions and monitor progress.


Tintern Philosophy Circle has moved to the Beaufort Hotel for the meetings in April, May and June. Writing this stirs my conscience because Ray Billington regularly invites me to attend and I have not yet been able to make it. This is my loss and I will endeavour to redress the situation as soon as possible.
In July the group meets in the gardens of Veddw House, Devauden, a beautiful and inspiring setting for eloquence if ever there was one. Then in September they reconvene for the winter at the Rose and Crown.


Charles Channing from Chepstow (now there's alliteration for you) is a great quiz man and when he asked my advice recently about how to obtain an out-of-print reference book, I was able to point him in the direction of our village bookshop, Stella Books.
The book that Charles wanted was the third edition of Halliwells Television Companion, published in 1986 but now out of print. He had drawn a blank everywhere.
To his amazement they soon located two copies - a paperback in this country and a hardback edition in America.
Within a week the paperback arrived and Charles is a happy and well-impressed man. His friends, unfortunately, cannot say the same as, with this new-found reference source, he is winning even more arguments.
Chris Tomaszewski, who runs Stella Books and a sister establishment in Hay-on-Wye, told me that they are a leading UK dealer in children's books, particularly Rupert Bear.
Because of its profile on the advanced book exchange (the world's largest internet database of second-hand books) Stella Books also attracts international visitors from every corner of the world. They are often thrilled to arrive at its picturesque setting on the banks of the River Wye.

In February the appearance of the 40 foot motor yacht Blue Velvet moored in the river opposite the village was a lovely site and caused much interest.
The crew were en route from Stourport on Severn to Hereford, retracing as it were, the route of the old trows that plied the Severn and the Wye in years gone by.
Passing through Worcester, Tewkesbury and Gloucester, they had looked out onto the tidal Severn and after arriving in Chepstow, waited for the evening tide to come in at Tintern.
It then took a month to wait for suitable river conditions to allow them to continue their journey upstream.
On March 23rd skipper Dennis Parkhill and his crew, which included Tintern's own "man of the river", Jim Simpson, left for the navigable but difficult journey on to Symonds Yat. The boat has a three foot draft. It doesn't sound a lot but on this river that takes some handling and good boat management.
After an overnight stay at Symonds Yat they continued to Hereford completing what I'm sure was a thoroughly enjoyable trip. They proved that the Wye is still navigable and well worth the effort, giving a unique view of the beautiful and dramatic scenery.

To everyone's delight, the Rose and Crown reopened its doors on the 4th of May after their problems with the slipping cliff.
Regular Bristol band "Souled Out" provided the music for the pub's now re-established Friday night spot.
To say that it was well attended would be the understatement of the year with so many people wanting to welcome Dave and Eleanor back. There had been enormous sympathy in the village about this unfortunate incident that had caused a lengthy closure and it was really good to see Dave Stafford's broad smile back behind the bar. He told me that he has rebooked his bands for this regular weekly spot and many popular acts will be returning. He was grateful to Alan Butt at the Anchor for keeping the evenings going while always emphasising that they would return to the Crown as soon as it reopened.
Needless to say, as always the packed venue provided another fantastic night.

We have some new licensees in the village who have taken over The Moon and Sixpence. Gareth and Kate Owen have moved into the pub and are looking forward to a busy summer. It is the couple's first venture into the trade together, although both have previous experience in the industry. Kate told me that they had looked at properties all over the country, but on walking into this one, they had immediately fallen into love with it.
Aware of the unique charm and traditions of "The Moon", they plan to add their own individual touches by increasing its already good name for food with a more varied "Specials Board". Kate also feels that in this country vegetarians are poorly catered for and will be looking to greatly extend the choice offered to them.
Gareth and Kate have both lived around the area for most of their lives so they are very much local people. Music could also be on the menu, with Gareth looking for some artists who will blend in with the pub's natural ambience.
Certainly during the summer they plan to open and serve food all day and are already enjoying the cosmopolitan atmosphere of what is both a tourist attraction and a local's bar.
Together with their son Jonathan, they have rapidly settled in and we wish them well in their new venture.

edited somewhat from Grantley James diary


To many people, Tintern means the Abbey, and for many visitors that is all they see when they visit the village. What a pity! They are missing so much as the 400 year period when the Abbey was operational is just a small part of the history of the community

It is very easy to dismiss the relevance of our parish. It doesn't feature widely in the history books and is understandably overlooked. Perhaps this belittles the efforts of our forefathers who struggled to make a living in this valley, ultimately making the community what it is today.

There is evidence of Bronze Age activity, and then a Celtic tribe ruled the area until the coming of the Romans. On the site of the Abbey, there was a Romano-Celtic settlement. The Romans forded the Wye at Tintern before they built a bridge downstream at Chepstow. Perhaps there was a tavern here even then to serve the Romans as they waited for the tide to drop to make their crossing.

After the withdrawal of the Romans from Wales, the Kingdom of Gwent emerged, and in the 6th century one of their great kings, Tewdric, came out of retirement as a Tintern hermit, to defeat the invading Saxons at a mighty battle at a site still known today as Pont y Saison (Bridge of the Saxons).

By 765 AD, Christianity was well established in the Valley, and in Tintern the church of St. Michael was functioning. By the end of the 7th century, Offa had built his dyke and Tintern was well and truly on the Welsh side of the border in the Cantref of Is Coed. The Viking longship was no stranger to the Wye as they rowed as far as Monmouth. On an autumn morning it is not difficult to imagine longships emerging from the mists that cling close to the river.

In the 11th century the Normans arrived, eventually bringing with them the builders of the Abbey. For the next four centuries this dominated the village and stamped on the area the geographical structure still evident today. Their lands were divided into agricultural units or granges, and these are easily recognisable in the farms today. Local labour provided workers on these granges and gave the services required by the Abbey and its many illustrious visitors, such as taverns, smithies etc.

During this period the battles between Welsh Princes and English Kings had some effect, the closest battle being won in 1404 by the Welsh Prince, Owain Glyndwr, at Craig y Dorth about seven miles away on the southern outskirts of Monmouth. The area also had to contend with the Black Death and it is suspected that the neighbouring village of Penterry disappeared at that time.

The closure of the Abbey in 1536 must have devasted the local economy, but matters improved again in the 1560s with the arrival of the wireworks. Engineers looking for a site for the manufacture of iron and brass for ordnance purposes chanced upon Tintern. It offered all that was required. The Wye for transportation, the Angiddy stream for water power, trees for fuel and charcoal and a ready supply of minerals in the locality.

Although the first brass in Britain was produced at Tintern, the brass works soon became the wire works and the wire produced employed some 100 men in Tintern at the site now known as the Forestry Yard. Throughout the county, upwards of 5000 people were manufacturing goods from the wire. Hooks, eyes, needles, wire combs, farthingales, bird cages etc were among the final products.

For the next 300 years the numerous wire works and forges along the Angiddy valley dominated the village and surrounding communities. The managers even paid for preachers and schoolmasters. The Industrial Revolution finally put paid to it all and by the end of the 19th century all the works had closed.

Fortune smiled on the village however. Tourism had started towards the end of the 18th century but the arrival of the Wye Valley Railway in the 1870s greatly increased the number of visitors. Apart from the forest surrounding the village, tourism became the main stay of Tintern's economy.

The opening of the A466 road between Chepstow and Monmouth also brought modern visitors to Tintern. An amusing note from the 1930s in the parish minutes refers to a charabanc of visitors driving through the village, hurling empty pop bottles at the inhabitants.

The railway has now sadly gone, and what was considered a financial drag in the sixties could have been a superb asset for locals and visitors to use and enjoy today. The A466 has to suffice to bring us visitors. On sunny weekends the road is very busy with coaches and cars and their occupants admiring the valley, the woods and the river. Motor cyclists also love the road as its curves and bends give them an exciting ride between Chepstow and Monmouth. On other days the A466 becomes just a quiet thoroughfare not living up to its "A" road status at all.

These notes were based on a talk given by Judith Russill to the Brockweir ladies Group.


Have you ever wondered what life in Tintern Abbey was like in the 11th century, or how the monks and poor village people lived?
In 1066 there were 60 small monasteries in Britain, by 1216 there were 700 many which were huge and wealthy and one third of the land in England was owned by the Church.
First in the Abbey was the "Abbots House". The Abbot was the head of the Monastery, he was part of a network that covered the known world, obeying not primarily his King, but the head of his order.
"The Guest House" gave hospitality to travellers and was an essential Christian virtue even more so in isolated areas. If the Monastery was on a pilgrimage route, the Guest House would be a major building.
"Cloisters" was a sheltered place where monks could walk, read and pray. One third of their day was given over to prayer; one third to study, one third to physical labour.
"Almonry" was found near the Gate House or outside. This is where clothing and leftovers were distributed to the poor. When Henry VIII shut the Abbey in 1538, it was the poor who suffered.
"Herbarium". The garden where herbs were grown to be used in the Infirmary and Hospice. Some of the herbs used then are still used today.
"Scriptorium". Before printing books, the main source of knowledge was an expensive procedure, handwritten by monks in the Scriptorium. The monks copied the bible in Latin on to sheets of vellum (fine calf skin).
"Abbey Church" was the centre of the Monastery. It would be the finest and most impressive building that funds and determination to glorify God could create.
"Dormitorium". The communal bedroom were where the monks slept. Separated isolated cells were not common. Monks would rise at midnight for Matins and again at three in the morning for Lauds. For night-time services some monks used to have contests to see who could shout the responses loudest to keep each other awake.
"Refectory". The building where meals were served by Lay Brothers (lack of social standing did not allow them to become monks). These Lay Brothers worked in the fields and acted as servants.
The Abbey had land-holdings and required many workers to keep them going. Shepherds and farm labourers would be local people. Much of the land was leased out to tenant farmers, which contributed to the ending of the old system of Strip Farming.
As Landlords, they were no better than the Barons. Peasants on and off Abbey land had to pay one tenth of their harvest. They resented the produce of their hard labour going to keep (as they saw it) idle monks in luxury. In some Abbeys peasants caused rioting and in 1327 St. Albans and Bury St. Edmunds and Abingdon were burned.
Only in the North did Monasteries remain popular till their dissolution in 1538.


A Sunday School teacher asked the children to draw pictures illustrating a Bible story. One little boy drew and aeroplane. "Now what's this?" asked the teacher.
"It's the flight of Joseph, Mary and Jesus to Egypt" he replied. The teacher looked and said "Who's this other person?" The boy replied "That's Pontius the Pilot"!!

One of the star players in our school football team had a habit of arriving late for practice. One day, as he walked in with an exaggerated limp complaining of a leg injury, the teacher snapped "Yet another lame excuse".

My honest, hard-working father stood before the judge to explain why he wished to be excused from jury duty. "Your Honour, my small grocery shop is the sole means of support for my wife and eight children. To serve as a juror would mean closing it and I can't afford that".
"Mr. Jones, what if everyone were like you?" asked the judge.
"Your Honour", my father replied, "if everyone were like me, you wouldn't be needing a jury".

Grandpa and Granddaughter were sitting talking when the little girl asked "Grandpa did God make you?" "Yes" he replied "God made me". So the little girl asked "And did God make me?" "Yes he did" said her Grandpa. The little girl studied her Grandpa and looked at herself in a mirror and replied "You know Grandpa God's been doing a better job lately"!!